Posted by: Mama Bear | January 31, 2009

it’s done.


And I’m heartbroken. 

Yesterday, an unpleasant smell from behind the couch caught my attention, mainly because it’s where Kasey has spent most of the last two weeks, sleeping on a heating pad.  I dismissed the odor as remnants of the canned food dinner of which he’d just taken a few licks. 

But I noticed it again today and decided to wash the cover of his heating pad and the towel we keep on top of it.  When I removed the towel, I discovered it was soaked with urine.  

He spent all of his recent time on this heating pad, so this was what he’d been lying in for two days.  There was no dignity in that, thus the choice had to be made.

And I did so matter-of-factly until I called the vet’s office.  But as the receptionist asked me for some specifics, I sobbed through the answers.

Did I want to be present?  Not really, but how could I bear to leave him?

What did we want done with the body?  I’d bring it home for my husband to bury.

But a quick call to my husband ruled that out; he said it was too cold outside for him to dig a hole.  That’s a story for another post, but for now, let’s just say his response was distressing.  Especially when after it was over, Dad showed up, shovel in hand, no questions asked.  But by that time, I had already arranged to have Kasey cremated.

The vet was gentle and explanatory.  Before they administered the lethal drugs, they tranquilized Kasey, then left the room for about 10 minutes.  I held him like a baby and talked to him while the drug took effect.  He slumped against me and was so still that I knew he had lost consciousness and would be unaware of the next step of the process.

After it was done, the vet took off Kasey’s collar and handed it to me.   That, I think, was the most distressing part.  Without his collar, he looked so anonymous, unlike the friend that for more than 16 years had been so tightly interwoven in my life.



  1. Oh, I’m am sobbing my eyes out for you right now. I went through the same thing with Eli about a year and a half ago. He was my first baby, I had him for 13 years. There’s a hole in my heart still.
    I am so, so sorry.

  2. i’m sorry. i really truly am.

  3. You can always bury the ashes. Or keep them.
    Buy an expensive Urn to put them in. That will teach “him” not to dig a hole. If you are not ready to view the Urn each day then I will keep them until you are ready. “Mine” would not dig a hole either for my last three cats. I was too guilt ridden to even pick up the ashes, so sadly they are gone forever.

  4. I’m so sorry about Kasey. But your right there was no dignity in how he was suffering.. Big old hugs for you my friend…

  5. I am so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. I feel terrible for you.

    You came by my blog in Dec. for a giveaway. I’m having another if you are interested in swinging by, maybe it will help cheer you up just a little bit?

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